Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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