On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
