That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
