Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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