he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
