got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
