i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
