I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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