I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
