sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
