Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
