my mouth tastes like poor choices
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize