all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He keeps bees of course he's weird
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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