I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
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