8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
