You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
that may or may not have been my penis.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
