He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
