You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
do nipples grow back?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
