I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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