I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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