oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
