he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
