There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
