The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
