I just made out with a guy for $7.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize