The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
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