he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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