I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize