I feel like I'm in dance class right now
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
