There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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