the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
