So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
