CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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