so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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