We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
