Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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