That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
