ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
