he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize