How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Randomize
