Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
