he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
