There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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