Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize