i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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