im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Randomize
