im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Randomize
