If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
