Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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