So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
so much tequila, so little girl.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
