There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
