What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
