I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
