have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize