david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize