she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize