i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
