Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
