I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
