Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
