Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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