Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
