guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
