I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
