Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
