you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
