If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
