if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
