when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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