My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
